Breaking Emotional Addictions
We're often told to embrace our emotions, but what happens when emotions become an addiction? This idea isn't widely explored in psychology, which primarily focuses on analyzing emotions. During my time as a traditional psychotherapist, I noticed a common pattern among many clients. They repeatedly found themselves in situations that triggered the same emotions, even though they expressed a desire for change. Understanding the intricate chemistry of human emotions is a challenge.
Emotions typically start with our thoughts. We have countless thoughts daily, many of them ingrained habits. Over time, we attach meaning to these thoughts, often assuming they're true. It's these meanings that shape our emotions. When we experience an emotion, it sets off physical changes in our bodies. Neurotransmitters are released, altering our physical state. As our bodies change, our brain's neural pathways activate and strengthen. Repeatedly feeling and reacting to emotions strengthens these pathways, leading us to seek the same emotions unconsciously. Emotional addiction happens when our bodies depend on our own chemical responses. This cycle can even reshape the brain's reward system.
Surprisingly, even if an emotion makes us miserable, the rush of neurotransmitters can feel like a reward. Traditionally, addiction relates to external substances or behaviors like food or sex addiction. However, it's possible to become addicted to our own internal chemical reactions. Unlike other addictions where people often recognize the harm, emotional addiction is unique. We're so closely intertwined with our emotions that they often escape our conscious awareness.
To break free from emotional addiction, we must become aware of our recurring patterns.
Gain awareness of your primary emotion of focus
If you've had a revelation and recognized that you're dealing with an emotional addiction, it will be straightforward to pinpoint your main "go-to" emotion. However, if something has been brewing within you, yet you can't precisely discern which emotion tends to cycle, additional effort may be necessary to uncover your primary emotion of focus.
Below are some easy steps to begin!
Practice mindful observation of your emotions:
Although it may seem straightforward, this can be quite challenging because we often react to our emotions without observing them first. You might assume you're not dealing with emotional addiction because it feels like an inherent part of your identity. To overcome this, set reminders in your phone and commit to this observation in your journal. This approach will enable you to bring awareness to your subconscious reactions. Pay close attention to your emotional responses during everyday situations like browsing Instagram, working, or conversing with friends. Identify any recurring patterns and make a note of them. These patterns may offer valuable insights into your predominant emotion.
Seek advice from a trusted individual:
Vulnerability often leads to valuable insights. If there's someone in your life you trust and who is willing to be candid with you, consider asking them for their input. Explain that you're engaged in personal development and inquire if they've noticed any recurring emotions in your behavior. Other people can often perceive aspects of ourselves that we may not readily see.
Commit to a brief daily meditation routine:
Over the next 30 days, pledge to engage in just 5 minutes of meditation every day, without exceptions. During these sessions, closely observe the thoughts that surface and the emotions they trigger. These emotions will offer valuable insights into the recurring thought patterns that provoke your emotional responses.
As you can see, this requires substantial effort and dedication. Emotional addictions typically develop over many years and necessitate extensive self-reflection. Once you've pinpointed your primary "go-to" emotion, you're ready to move forward.
Importantly, avoid dwelling on this stage. When you identify your core emotion, you may experience a range of other emotions, including shame due to your previous lack of awareness about your behavior. Practice self-compassion and understand that any behavior can be changed with intent. Proceed with gratitude for this newfound awareness.
Restructure the brain's reward system.
Prioritize your nutrition:
The brain is an energy-intensive organ that consistently forms new pathways, regenerates cells, and undergoes countless neural firing and wiring processes daily. It consists primarily of fats and maintains constant communication with the gut through the gut-brain axis. Since neurotransmitters like serotonin are predominantly produced in the gut, the role of food in promoting a healthy brain cannot be overstated. When you're working on establishing a new habit, it's crucial to provide the brain with proper nutrition to support this process. This involves eliminating processed foods, sugar, and gluten, and replacing them with nutrient-rich ancestral foods such as lean meats, vegetables (especially fermented varieties), kefir, grass-fed butter, eggs, and dairy if your tolerance allows.
Harness the power of affirmations:
Affirmations are a potent tool to reprogram your subconscious mind. After identifying your primary "go-to" emotion, use affirmations to reshape your brain's neural pathways. Commit to daily affirmations and be patient, as results take time. The best times for affirmations are in the morning or before bedtime when the mind is relaxed. Choose a time that suits you and avoid practicing during stressful moments.
Throughout the day, especially when you sense your emotions escalating, silently repeat your chosen mantra. For instance, if your emotional addiction is anger and you aim to replace it with peace, use an affirmation like: "I am peace. I choose peace. I control my emotions in any situation, and my default emotion is peace." Focus on feeling peace throughout your body, visualizing how it feels. This step is crucial, as when you think and feel it within your body, it becomes a reality. This is where affirmations gain their transformative power to bring about real change.
Anticipate Resistance:
The brain is neuroplastic, meaning it can form new pathways through conscious behavior at any stage in life. While this is fascinating and offers hope, it's essential to recognize that it requires significant effort. The mind naturally prefers the familiar and may resist when you attempt to alter neural connections. Therefore, it's crucial to allocate short periods for this work. Doing too much at once can quickly fatigue the brain. Subconscious reprogramming is most effective when the brain is relaxed and rested. If you ever feel overwhelmed, take a break. Gradually, over time, the brain will adapt to these new activities as long as you avoid overwhelming it with excessive stimulation.
Breaking free from the chains of emotional addiction not only brings happiness but also fosters physical well-being. Allowing your body to recover from these chemical "crutches" enables its natural healing processes, promoting homeostasis. You'll begin to experience not only emotional benefits but also physical improvements as your body regains its natural balance.
