Ego work: The practice of becoming conscious
Stereotypically, the ego is seen as arrogance, selfishness, or a sense of superiority. However, it wields an incredible power that can shape or disrupt every aspect of our lives. Through my own healing journey, I've discovered that ego work is a powerful healing tool. Embracing this practice wholeheartedly will transform your life.
Ego Work is for me if:
you feel emotionally depleted
you're 'stuck'
life doesn't feel fun and creative
you are ready to let go of black-and-white thinking
you find yourself in unfulfilling or toxic relationships
you find connection with other people difficult or like something is missing.
you are ready to express yourself truthfully and clearly.
you are ready to love and heal.
What is the EGO?
The ego operates in the subconscious mind. It acts like a protective shell, much the same as a crab. The egos primary purpose is to establish a division between how you see yourself and people in the world around you. The Ego centres on your self image and it's connection to your traits, beliefs and actions.
Where does the EGO come from?
In early years, you entered the world with a natural sense of intuition. Despite being unable to communication through language, you possessed an innate understanding of the world. Your level of consciousness was pure awareness.
A child, can engage in play, imagination and creativity without constraints. At this stage in life, they are yet to establish a fixed identity, entering the world without preconceived conditioning.
You effortlessly embody the state of pure existence.
In childhood, the ego takes on a egocentric state, best described that by the notion that 'the world revolves around you'. At this point, you perceive that everything is occurring due to your existence.
Childhood wounds are particularly impactful because of this ego period. It is not until the adolescence that you develop abstract thinking, granting the ability to view things from perspectives other than your own.
The ego like a crab shell evolves a defence mechanism, shielding you from reality. It creates an identity to help you navigate through confusion, disconnection and love loss. This identity strengthens to ensure to the best of your ability that we can still receive whatever love is still available.
As you grew older, you absorbed (often unconsciously) societal values related to factors like intelligence, achievement, preferred emotional states, relationships, and other individuals. Your primary longing for love leads you to adopt these values even if they are not positive.
Many adults have not progressed beyond the egocentric state, where they continue to perceive events as happening to them. If you find yourself believing that you lack control over your life, or that external circumstances are controlling your life, ego work can be especially beneficial.
The Ego is the constructed Self
Your ego is a very rigid identity. It assembles a framework of beliefs, patterns, and ideas, commonly recognized as 'personality'. Your ego defends this identity, often resisting anything that deviate from established thoughts, beliefs and behaviours.
To further validate this, watch a debate. Debaters do not sway each others viewpoints; instead they engage go back and forth affirming their own beliefs. In a debate the perceived 'winner' is essentially the person who confirms your bias. Your ego defends a belief, and you subsequently perceive that person as the winner because they affirm a concept linked to your identity.
The challenge with this is that differing viewpoints are what enable our personal growth.
Different viewpoints or ideas frequently lead individuals to experience anger, as the ego tends to feel most out of control when faced with challenges.
It feels like an attack on self.
Technically its is the case because the ego generates the illusion that our opinions and beliefs define our identity.
This results in a insecurity and low self worth. When in a vulnerable state, the ego becomes more active in it's efforts to protect us.
Why does Ego work matter?
Ego work is about reconnecting with your authentic self. Until now your lives have been governed in patterns that you haven't consciously choses. They were chosen for you.
Ego work is a new opportunity to choose.
The ego functions as your protector and has been a part of your psyche since childhood. You're not seeking to 'kill' the ego, or dismiss its existence. Instead your goal is to develop the ability to acknowledge your ego as a distinct entity separate from your core self.
Frequently, I encounter the question, 'who are we?' The answer is that you are conscious awareness or attention. You are an embodiment of awareness that holds the ability to observe different aspects of yourself. This unique human capability allows you to ponder your thoughts and asses your actions.
You are softening the ego.
Visualize the ego as a radar, scanning the surroundings for possible 'danger'. Anything conflicting with the ego's self image is deemed the 'enemy'. You have been over identifying with traits for so long that your ego's mission is to keep that identity alive.
Engaging in this work, your radar(ego), a much needed break allowing fresh experiences to enter your consciousness.
In the absence of the radar, you gain the ability to take charge of your emotions, thoughts and responses, rather than letting the ego dictate them.
Confidence is the result of detaching from your ego state.
Step 1: Allow your Ego to introduce itself
Until now, you've remained largely oblivious to how the ego influences you. When you're in an unconscious state, which accounts for approximately 95% of the time, your ego takes the reins. Left unexamined through most of your childhood, your ego steadily gains more control.
The impact of mellowing the ego can only be achieved through mindful observation.
A softened ego paves the way for a state of inner tranquillity.
The ego does not like to be observed, which makes the first step quite uncomfortable. Overcoming this discomfort requires effort, so practice and patience. You can dedicate less than a minute to this practice. either when you wake up or go to bed.
Find a distraction free space where you feel most at ease.
Close your eyes and inhale deeply.
Affirm that 'I am secure, and I choose a new way to experience myself as separate from my ego'
In this phase, we are preparing the brain to ease into the practice. Embracing this new perspective of oneself can be quite unsettling. You may experience bodily sensations or racing thoughts that you are trying to avoid. These reactions are entirely normal; they stem from the egos fear-based resistance. Recognizing your ego marks the initial stride towards reducing it's influence and relinquishing its control over decision-making.
Step 2: Have a Friendly Encounter
This phase of ego work involves developing an awareness of what follows the word 'I'. This is referred to as your ego's language. You've been reciting these phrases for numerous years, so taking a closer look at what you habitually say about yourself can be extremely eye opening.
The friendliest way to approach the ego is when it's not in a reactive state.
Some prompts to note once a day:
There is no right or wrong way to do these just let your conscious flow.
How often do I speak about myself?
What was an adjective I used to describe myself?
Did anything in that conversation bring any uncomfortable emotional reaction? Describe it.
Consistent practice is essential to develop this newfound skill. Riepition will help establish fresh neural pathways in your brain, making observations more natural and effortless as time goes on.
Step 3: Name your Ego
When naming the ego, we take a powerful step towards perceiving it as distinct from our true selves. What name is intuitively calling you?
Now name your ego.
By Naming the ego, you create a separation from it. You'll now notice when it comes and go's. You might be surprised how frequently it appears and departs. This phase is the observation stage, and I encourage you to practice for at least 2 weeks.
During this stage, you many experience significant breakthroughs.
In practicing this observation, you'll not only recognise your ego but also identify what situations that trigger it. This heightened awareness enables you to look beyond the ego and choose responses that resonate more with your authentic self.
Step 4: Meet the Triggered Ego - Step 2 must be mastered first
What is a trigger? Stimulus that prompts the recall of a previous event.
The ego loves to tell a story, within its countless emotional events and experiences, many of which you may not even consciously recall. This story serves as a safeguard but will constantly link you to your past experiences.
Pay attention to the next time you feel triggered.
Here are the prompts:
I felt the emotion of _________ when triggered.
I felt the emotion of _________ when _________ .
The event of _________ means _________ to me.
Now that you grasp the objective reality of a situation and how it triggered for example: anger, it's essential to recognize that this emotion stems from an underlying belief that I am not worthy of consideration.
In a scenario where the ego is triggered and you feel anger. The ego has experienced a fundament emotion, a sense of unworthiness. This was a distressing feeling, and given the lack of emotional processing skills, the ego came to project outwards. The ego's inclining is to offload these emotions onto others rather than confronting the discomfort yourself.
Step 5: Appreciate and Accept the Ego
This stage requires practice, and it won't come naturally right away. You'll need to repeat it numerous times until it becomes second nature.
Here are the prompts:
I acknowledge that my ego stepped in to protect me from( the emotion felt during the trigger).
It is acceptable for me to embrace (the new emotion I would like to feel)
I am no longer attaching events in my life to meanings of ( emotion I felt during the trigger)
I embody (affirm the new emotion)
This is how it will look:
I express gratitude for my ego's protective role in shielding me from my feelings of unworthiness.
It's perfectly acceptable for me to embrace a sense of worthiness.
I am now free from the need to associate life events with feelings of unworthiness.
I confidently affirm: that I am indeed worthy.
Final Words
I understand that this was a jam-packed bundle of information. This might feel overwhelming. Or, like it 'won't work' or that you don't want to. It's natural for the ego to respond with resistance when it's being challenged. Give yourself permission to acknowledge this resistance.
This work is demanding, but it holds the potential to transform your life.
Make a commitment to it.